40 Funny Wedding Vows to Exchange During Your Ceremony

bride and groom laughing

Photo by Anée Atelier

While adding a little jocularity to your wedding vows is a great way to dial down the seriousness of the moment, it also shows your personality and says a lot about your relationship. Truth be told, a little laughter might help you wrangle your emotions and keep a tear or two at bay as well. Comedy can be great, but incorporating them into your vows may be easier said than done. 

If you want to add a little laughter to the moment, remember that these are your wedding vows, keep it light and keep it simple. This is the moment, after all, that you’re declaring your love for your partner, not auditioning for your own sitcom. Be sure not to use references that only you and your partner will get; you want to make your guests smile and laugh with you, not hear the deafening sound of crickets from your attendees when your joke doesn’t land. 

If you’re trying to write your vows and struggling to find the right balance between the importance of the moment and a little comedic flair, here are 40 funny wedding vow quotes to help you find some inspiration.  

  1. "I promise to take you in sickness and in health, regardless of the dangerous stuff I put you through!"
  2. "Does this mean I have to stop referring to you by your last name?"
  3. "I promise to love you, honor you, but not obey because that’s a little creepy.”
  4. “There’s an old Irish saying that goes, Cramagorrah Rowe Egonhah. Wait a minute. I might have accidentally cursed you. I am so sorry…"
  5. "This is a lot of pressure, huh, I better not blow this—I _____ take you...what’s your name again?"
  6. "I promise to be your co-pilot, your navigator, and to bring snacks on our road trip through life."
  7. "I vow to be your spell checker, grammar friend, and tell you when things need hyphens. I promise to be your partner in exercise, even if I am much faster than you, and most of all, I promise to try things, even though I am sure I will not like them, just because you say, 'Try this!'"
  8. "I want your worst—give me your bad hair days, your long commutes, your burnt coffee, lost keys, splashed shoes, annoying coworkers, lost receipts, broken copiers, give me your every day, and I will give you my love to make it alright."
  9. "We look pretty good. What is it we were all dressed up for?"
  10. "I promise not to watch the next episode without you."
  11. "I vow not to carry on watching a Netflix series we started together without you. Or at least pretend it’s the first time I’ve watched it when we watch it again."
  12. "I love you, by the old gods and the new."
  13. "I promise that you will be as important to me as coffee, as chocolate, and as all the episodes of Grey’s put together."
  14. "I love you like the musical Cats. Now and forever."
  15. "I keep thinking of the beginning of UP...is that a problem?"
  16. "I promise not to force you to watch a Gilmore Girls marathon."
  17. "I vow to love you even as you scan through all those movies without picking one to actually watch."
  18. "I promise to love you through Ikea, be it during the buying or assembly of furniture procured therein."
  19. "I promise not to turn the light on, open the curtains or deliberately clatter about when you have a hangover."
  20. "I vow not to keep score...I always win anyway."
  21. "I promise to listen when you’re talking to me about sports, beer, or whatever you talk about, and not just look at my phone saying, 'Hmm, yes, dear.'"
  22. "I promise to unclog the tub, even though you are the only one of us with long hair."
  23. "I promise to share the covers, leave the light on, make sure the toilet paper is stocked, not use all the hot water, and do as many dishes as I can stomach, as long as we both shall live, so help me, God."
  24. "I vow to nearly always notice when you’ve had your haircut." 
  25. "I love you, pants or no pants."
  26. "When I say ‘I do,’ I don’t mean the dishes."
  27. "I promise to love and honor during the offseason."
  28. "I vow to laugh, for real, at your every joke no matter how stupid or poorly told. I love you that much."
  29. "I promise to always respect your choice of music in the car when you are driving. If you are not driving, however..."
  30. "I promise not to take the first sip of your drink before giving it to you."
  31. "I vow to open jars for you and pretend that you loosened it, even though we both know it was my manly muscles that opened that thing."
  32. "This ring is a symbol of how you’ve got me wrapped around your finger."
  33. "I love your stupid face and vow that I will put up with whatever you can throw at me—if you think you can put up with my mess."
  34. "I vow to stand by your side when the zombie apocalypse comes, and should you be turned into one, I promise to let you bite me, so I can too be one and, therefore, stay by your side forever."
  35. "Just one thing to tell you—I am totally worth it."
  36. "I love you through time and relative dimensions in space."
  37. "I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death do we part, or you turn into a zombie. Because then we’re going to have to start seeing other people."
  38. "I, take you, to be my awful wedded wife, to have and to scold, from this day fast-forward for better but not worse, for richer, sans poorer, forget sickness only in health, to loathe and to cherish, till suspicious death do we part."
  39. "I promise to buy you takeout for dinner every night because I love you too much to allow you to fall victim to my cooking."
  40. "Ditto."

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